Edit: we arrived home in France after the overnight ferry and a long all-day drive tired but elated. We’d made it. Just 24hours later an email arrived which changed everything; there had been a massive mix-up in the work visa application process and the upshot was that R had to return immediately to the U.K. This was, as you can imagine, a cruel blow to us both as we now face another two months of separation as the situation is resolved. Back to marriage over FaceTime!

Original post:

When we first bought our French house we were absolutely sure that we would never live there full-time. Our plan was to divide our time between the two homes, as work and other commitments allowed, and develop a wonderful garden. And so we might have continued had the referendum not had the outcome it did.

As the end of the Brexit Withdrawal Agreement (31 Dec 2020) drew closer we realised that we would need to change our plans if we were to continue with our garden development. Only being able to be in France for 90/180 days wouldn’t have given us the flexibility we needed. I’ve already written about the decision that we had to make quickly when President Macron announced a further lockdown at the end of October 2020, when I set off alone for France to establish residency knowing that if I didn’t go then the opportunity would disappear.

Little did we know then just how much time we would spend apart in the following year as a result of the double whammy caused by the pandemic in addition to the Brexit changes. R, now a third-country (UK) resident, was no longer able to work in France without a work permit or visa, my travel outside France until I received my Carte de Sejours was restricted, and Covid travel restrictions also kept us in our respective countries.

Soon after my Carte de Sejours arrived on 6th October I travelled to the UK, for a joyous reunion with my children and grandchildren. We had been apart for a year which would have been previously impossible to contemplate. And I’ve been able to make a second visit since. When I arrived in the UK ten days ago R and I worked out that we had only been able to spend 16 of the previous 54 weeks physically together. We were very thankful for WhatsApp and Facetime but its a very poor substitute for the real thing. The days, weeks and months sometimes seemed endless as we went about our lives separately and fractured from each other. We are both quite capable of operating as individuals; but its not what we signed up for or want.

Now all that is about to change.

No more separations.

R has the benefit of working for a large multi-national organisation which has national businesses in many different countries. After we’d spent our longest period apart (16 weeks from January to May 2021), and the world remained in the grip of the pandemic, he began to explore the possibility of moving his employment from the UK business to the French one. To his surprise his request was accepted and the wheels began to turn to make it happen.

Corporate wheels inevitably turn slowly, but they do turn inexorably once they start. I shall be returning to France via the overnight ferry to Caen tonight. And R will be coming with me. From the 1st December he will be employed in the French business and will be able to work in France; we can live together again. He will be able to apply for French residency benefiting from the the Withdrawal Agreement rights under the family/spouse reunification rules.

He’s currently packing the car. 13 months ago I packed the key physical elements of my life into my trusty tiny little Toyota. This time he’s repeating the exercise with his own things into our new French Dacia Duster.

Its been an incredibly stressful time for us both in different ways, but we acknowledge that the pandemic has been so stressful for most people in so many different circumstances so are not claiming any kind of hierarchy of suffering.

I think it will take a few days before it really sinks in that, at last, we are properly living together again. Our enforced separation is at an end.

When I left the UK in October 2020 I was impelled by a crisis situation, where I had to depart within a few hours or forever miss the opportunity. R’s changes have been rather longer in the planning and expectation. But the day has at last come.

Like so many aspects of human life there’s joy on one side, and sadness on the flipside. I’m utterly joyous that we can at long last properly share our lives together. But I’m also feeling very sad that these changes reinforce and underline that I will be living in a different country from my dearest loved ones. I’m beyond proud of what wonderful adults my children have grown into, now with their own beautiful families too who we adore. We will visit regularly, and already have our next travel plans in a few short weeks mapped out. But that’s logic, and emotion doesn’t always respond to logic. And as I write this the pang of sadness in my heart is driven by emotion rather than logic.

So what’s next?

R is taking a few days of holiday and we will try and chill, remembering what it is like to enjoy each other’s company. Throughout our time of separation we have focused on getting through each day just one day at a time. It will feel so good to be able to allow ourselves to begin to look forward again.

There will be a little gardening I’m sure, and some walking around catching up on progress and dreaming of new projects.

We also have some wonderful Christmas music to look forward to, with an Advent service on Sunday, closely followed by two Christmas concerts, a carol service, and a Christmas service, in all of which we will be singing in the choir. We both love singing; its how we originally met. And our French musical life is just wonderful, giving us opportunities and musical friends we could not have expected.

Oh, and there are 850 bulbs (mainly tulip with some alliums and species crocus) in a couple of boxes in the barn which need planting. R is head of bulb planting in our partnership; I wonder if he knows quite how many there are waiting for him?

So, both sadness and joy in our hearts. But our eyes firmly fixed on a new future. Who would ever have thought it when we first came up with the idea of buying a home in France. We have much to be thankful for and to look forward to.

We also have so much deep gratitude for all those family and friends who have provided us with support, encouragement, and love during our challenging time. Let us hope that we are able to return that to others as it is needed.